SPMR has loved artichokes since 1961
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By Susan Patty Marie Raycamp
I wanted to consult with you my heartfelt concern regarding the absence of an artichoke emoji. My grandad’s uncle, Benjamin Ferdinand XIV, had a wife whose coworker’s step aunt had an unquenched, unconditional, unbreakable, burning shoot-fire love for uncooked artichokes. I leaned that from ancestry.com. In 1982 I became one flesh with my beloved hubby, Rickerd J. Rayfield. We then made the life changing decision to adopt our light of life, Artichoke. He was the most heartwarming, loving, adorable, little plump, shining, brown Shih Tzu. Two weeks ago he passed from a vicious bout of coronavirus. I told him he needed to stay social distanced and wear a mask, but he refused. My light in the dark night was extinguished. Suddenly.
Immediately after, I found my hubby curled up around Arti in anguish. I tried to wake him but it was too late. He was gone. Left me in pitch dark without my lights, figuratively speaking.
I recently downloaded Facebook and Twitter, with the help of my darling little neighbor, to raise awareness of the passing of Arti. I went to post, again with the help of my neighbor, and found, to my horror, the lack of an artichoke emoji. I was devastated. I broke down, cutting myself off from civilization. I had no one, nothing, and artichokeless! I wept for days without eating or going to the bathroom as a result of not eating, and I smell like an artichoke myself, which deepened my depression. Then, I directed my fury at YOU apple!!!!!!! I almost sold all my apple devices on Facebook marketplace, but realized I didn’t know how. I resorted to sending this heart wrenching, blood curdling message telling you of my agony. I’m sorry it has to end this way. But you have betrayed my trust and love. I will not purchase a single item from you until I see the appearance of an artichoke emoji. Goodbye.
Yours not truly,
Susan Patty Marie Raycamp.
